You've been gone for six months now. And not a day goes by when I am not thinking of you, missing you, longing to have you here with me.
Not a day goes by that I don't look at these pictures of you and remember the love we shared, the life we shared, what it was to have you by my side.
For six months I have wrestled with this reality that your heart no longer allowed you to remain here with me, the same heart that we thought we had tricked with a defibrillator and pacemaker.
I have never ached as I do now.
I have never cried as I do when thinking of you.
I have never wished so deeply that something wasn't true.
I have never felt so alone, so lost.
I have never even considered that I would be living this life without you.
I hope that when you were still alive you knew how much I love you, how much I appreciate you, how much I wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.
I hope you can still feel my love even today. Because my love has not and will never wane.
You are the best thing to ever happen to me.
And waking up each day with you no longer breathing the same air really fucking sucks!
I want to believe that you are still here with me, your loving spirit sitting next to me, looking over my shoulder offering the same support I was so accustomed to.
Because I cannot do this without you.
I hope you are proud of what I'm doing, how I'm raising our boys, how I'm living more fully into what you always said you envisioned for me. I hope you are proud of me.
I don't think others can really comprehend how much I miss you, how every cell in my body aches, how every fiber of my being feels incomplete without you.
This wasn't how our story was supposed to end.
I love you so fucking much! And I miss the way you loved me, the way you taught me to receive love.
The world feels so empty without you.
I feel so empty without you.
I am glad you are finally at peace. But this sure the hell wasn't what either of us had envisioned as a way to get there.
I love you, Blub! And I always will.
To the moon and back again!
SMOOOOOOOOOOOCHES!
Thank you for sharing this.